I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
