I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
