I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
