cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
