And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize