Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
