and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i will never coherently bang her
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
