I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
