dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
