Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
