Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
