Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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