this beer tastes like vomit already
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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