thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize