smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Randomize
