you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize