It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
