It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
