no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
