My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
