I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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