Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
