I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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