haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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