all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
did i just pee glitter
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
