I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize