I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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