Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
