Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
