I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
