this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
