it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
