Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
