I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
