party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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