I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
