i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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