wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You took a bar mat shot.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
