Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
