Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
