The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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