I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
