how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
