I think my fart just growled at me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
