is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
