where am i from again
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
