his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
