His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
