Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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