I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
