Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
