ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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