I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
