Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
