We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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