he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
