are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
