Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
