Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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