you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
