i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
