I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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