I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
