Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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