I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
