He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
