I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You can't special order awesome
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
