Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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