Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
where are my eyebrows?
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