Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
it was like his penis was on wheels.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I touched a dick in church today
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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