yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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