I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
