I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
